Below is where I'll list whatever's on my mind when whatever it is seems important enough to list, whatever free thought or required venting with as little self incrimination as possible. A place to lay my head down and let out all the musings that would have me burned at the stake 300 years ago.
Don't expect anything coherent.
12/4/23: Damn, you're still here?
Forgot about this place for awhile. Not for any real reason, just did. Happens y'know? All things are very much the same, except I guess for not feeling like I had something to ramble about lately. Been reading more western comics lately I guess, which is actually a first for me. So far I managed to knock out The Sandman (Neil Gaiman is a masterclass writer with anything though) entirely and I'm working through Hellboy now, some Batman here and there but now I started Spawn so I'm gonna have to zero in on that for obvious reasons, Invincible too is great and IDW has The Maxx who I love. Eventually I wanna pick up some of the better Spiderman stuff and some X-Men, really trying to avoid Marvel though since I've seen how my boy Peter is usually treated and I'm not fucking with it. DC seems to have the better comics generally speaking, atleast with the stuff I've seen for Batman. I love how Catwoman is written but I fucking hate the idea of a "Batfamily", I get having a Robin making him take on a fatherly role and that's cool, plus I like the individual characters, but you ruin your dark and brooding character by giving him 3 adopted sons and an "adopted" daughter. Granted the point of it is to make him not so dark and brooding, but I'm not particularly sold on the idea of him having such a big ensemble cast of characters around him yet.
10/9/23: True Evil.
Went to see House of a Thousand Corpses in theaters today for it's 20th anniversary and I still believe it's better at setting up Devil's Rejects than it is as it's own story, but one thing I do love about it is the way it portrays genuine evil. The idea that evil is not just some spectrum of justifiable actions and blurred lines of gray, but there is objective and explicit evil in this world. Movie goes out of it's way to portray the main cast as Satanists and I'm sure it was just to add a spook factor to everything, but it really is biblical in the sense that it shows people who kill en masse simply for the sick pleasure of it. Sometimes you can make arguments that an act of evil is justified and moral, like killing to defend yourself or a loved one, maybe a struggling mother stole something from the store in order to feed her kids. But that's not what I enjoy in a story like this, I don't want to hear some great speech about how the world is wrong and "I am here to set it right". Some placebo bullshit like what Stirner preached about all actions only needing to be justified to the individual committing said acts of evil. How any crime against man, nature, or self is righteous if done by someone who just believes it to be so. Morality is a spectrum to an extent, sure, I'll throw that bone out there. But there's a reason why you can justify murder in some moments where as you simply can not justify rape. Saying you are jusftied in taking one's life with the intent of preventing them from stealing another's or your's isn't a crazy take, eye for an eye can even be seen as fair to those who put a level of transactional value on life and consequence. Unlike murder though, rape is a direct violation of another's sanctity. Regardless of their actions you simply don't get to sexually assault someone as vengence, you don't just get to justify something like that. It's an objective evil, there isn't a context that makes it anything other than an objective act of evil. Or how after going through Monster for the first time I really liked the portrayal of Johan as the literal antichrist for this same reason, his goal is abstract and seemingly has no benefit. It's control and destruction for the sake of it, a man who can guide those who have long since rejected their humanity into extensions of his will. Near the end when the whole town was being manipulated into giving themselves to their evil desires, Johan's evil was so rich and vast it spread from those he influenced to further influence others. When the drunk rounded the corner and saw Johan he didn't even see a man, but the seven headed king of Hell himself, a beast so great and terrible masquerading as man, that's what I love in these stories. Yeah I like characters who are nuanced and bad guys who have great reasons to be the way they are, but I love when a character is portrayed to just be an embodiment of the worst aspects of mankind. Take Wolfgang, he went through the same horrific experiment and despite this his evil is restrained. It's there, it's vast and endless, but Wolfgang never renounced his humanity. He might have struggled to get in contact with it, maybe he had difficulty going beyond what he became, but he never let it sink him. He doesn't know what it means to smile, but he does it whenever he thinks it's appropriate. Unlike Johan, a man who only smiles to bring others into his fold, Wolfgang did it to form bonds he couldn't even comprehend the value of. The Magnificent Steiner being the name of his evil side, only coming out when his life was in danger until the very end when he finally broke through his programming and learned what it meant to feel real human emotion. In his final moments he was able to cry for his son, having given everything he had in order to reunite with his humanity. Wolfgang found his way back, and Johan was simply never there. Johan is as Lucifer was, he was to be the end of all things and this is his purpose. Villians who simply do whatever, whenever, for whatever reason as it is their nature to do so are the most compelling to me. Makes me think of Naruto, where there's a moment where Naruto can talk Pain down and explain how if Pain wants to change the world, he could trust in his vision and believe in him. Pain was never evil, only misguided, and this is what gave him his depth. I love that sort of encounter too, but Pain became too human to fear once you saw he was, in fact, human too. In stories like Monster or House of a Thousand Corpses, there is no reasoning or redemption. They are a machine who pursue only that which they can comprehend and there is no teaching them about love, unity, or brotherhood. Whether your hero is divine in nature or not, they are there to slay the dragon. The biblical nature of true evil is one of the few things that really frighten me. Below is a scene from my favorite horror movie Exorcist 3 where it's nothing but dialogue between a cop and evil itself.
10/5/23: What paper is it printed on?
Today my boss complimented me by saying I was doing great, that he recognizes the effort I'm putting into the job, how I'm going above and beyond. What's funny is earlier in the day I fucked up decently well and just managed to fix the problem on my own, spent most of the day reading Monster, and am simply doing what I'm told to do. So either he's fucking with me or I thrive when I'm not paying attention. Reason I bring this up is because I was thinking about it the whole thing looped back into a thought I had a little bit ago after finally breaking my personal vow to never buy manga and only books (since I wouldn't stop if I started ((I am already out of control)). Going through the Hellsing Deluxe Editions is just a treat, Hirano's artwork is just so good and I love his paneling, but I am very happy the series was printed on such large pages and not just because the big faux leather bricks are nicer than a paperback but because what would be there stands out so much better. Yeah, the paperback would have the same amazing art but it would be of a lesser quality print, paper, and smaller so harder to see. Reading Seven Deadly Sins again it just makes me wish it got the same treatment, or seeing comparisons between the Fullmetal Alchemist Fullmetal editions or Soul Eater Perfect editions, larger and higher quality paper simply makes the same experience better. I think if you take this line of thinking and apply it a little bit more abstractly to the world around us it makes a lot of sense, some things are simply better experienced in one way than another. My effort here at a company I have no intention of staying at might seem lesser to me because I simply don't care, maybe due to how I would rather do the same job somewhere else. I don't see the work I put in as exceptional because I find my environment lacking. What I do now is simply being printed on low quality paper. Alternatively the bar is just set so low my minimum effort is beyond all expectations, which if that's the case you get my point regardless. So much of life is spent on shit we hate, in places we hate, with people we hate, or worse on shit we love, places we love, and people we love that we grow to hate. Old friends melt away into memories or adversaries, places change or just lose their luster, and our effort is spent on jobs we couldn't care less about or projects we only engage with to kill time. Thing is, we can choose how we reflect on not just the past, but the present as well. We can choose what paper we wish to record our history and future on. Plus, it all makes for a great novel. Exposition, conflict, rising action, climax, falling action, repeat until the great editor in the sky gets bored of ya. Maybe your 9-5 won't make riveting fiction, but the lives we lead and the stories we leave in our wakes are always uniquely ours. If we spend our time trudging along on high quality paper, even the worst of things will look fantastic when all's said and done.
9/29/23: Why Is This Shit So Hard!
Man, this HTML shit is like baby's first exposure to anything programming related and it just constantly dunks on me. I have spent an ungodly amount of time recently trying to figure out what I can do to improve the site and every single turn I end up having to ask for advice from a friend who at this point likely wants to strangle me. It's never even complicated shit, it's just one or two misplaced characters or I didn't look at the existing help guides close enough and every single time it's just the easiest thing to recognize as the problem. But whatever, there is now music and a Banette on the site wherever either of those wind up in the future, because at this point those goddamn widgets are permanent additions. One day in the future I pray that I am remotely competent but for now I'm going to bed. Next battle is having to figure out where to host the videos I wanna add to the site since Neocities wants to make Discord file hosting illegal I guess, cause fuck me. We'll figure it out though. The silly animals page will not go down without a fight.
9/24/23: Not Everything Is Getting Worse
Recently I've been back on my manga binging after taking a bit of a break from it and man, going back through some old classics is always a treat. Soul Eater, Inu Yashiki, FMA, Kengan Asura, Trigun, Hellsing, I Am Hero, Ajin, etc etc you get the point. Lot's of series that I grew up on and more than I picked up over the years that either contributed to or even greatly changed a part of my life, all of them remain just as good as the day I first read them. Which I can't always say for the anime (although Akame Ga Kill's anime did better than the manga, imo). When you look at how everything is degenerating these days in one way or another, it's really nice to see how the classics still remain, which applies to everything from gaming where shit has been DIRE for awhile now but we still get FromSoft with Armored Core or NEOWIZ surprise dropping Lies of P which is so fucking good for absolutely no reason at all, movies where the advent of streaming has made it harder to put out actual passion projects since a big gray paste of movies sticks better to the wall but we still got Asteroid City, Oppenheimer, and even Guardians of The Galaxy 3 this year. TV and novels I couldn't vouch, but I'm sure there's atleast on example out there somewhere. Point is just because everything has gotten worse as the years roll by, there are still incredible stand outs being produced and it's really nice to see. The big thing that made me wanna write this is the fact I sat down and went back through Chainsaw Man, and man, it's just perfect. Fire Punch was good, little weird and offputting at times but very enjoyable and the ending despite not being fantastic is still really enjoyable as well. Goodbye Eri was an incredible one shot that had me in tears. Chainsaw Man though, Fujimoto figured it all out there. Between Denji, Power, Aki, Kobeni, Angel, Kobeni, and Himeno I struggle to really pick a favorite. Fuck Makima though, not literally but metaphorically because apparently some of you want to be stepped on. It's not just CSM though that remains quality, we have series like Jujutsu Kaisen and Dandadan regularly releasing new chapters that continue to amaze me by their quality, One Piece is still airing and has only gotten better with age. Series are dropping all the time that continue the spirit of what we once had, hell even Hiromu Arakawa is releasing a new manga called Yomi No Tsugai (she seems to have a type and it's blonde short dudes) and it is just great, it might not be FMA but it doesn't need to be when it's still this great. I think the image I'll include with this entry should be from it, usually I like to gatekeep but I can make an exception just this once and offer up one of my favorite panels from her new work. It deserves more eyes anyway. Point being though, it makes me really happy that some people out there are still giving their heart and soul to what they create.
9/18/23: Atleast It Isn't Coal Mining
Currently I am writing this one on my phone at 6:28pm, halfway into my 20 minute lunch that I will stretch into 30 atleast. I am 3 hours and nearly 30 minutes into the first day of my 6 day work week, where I spend 8 hours a day simply doing what I have to do. There's greater things in life I want to accomplish, things to do and become, places to go, etc etc. While I don't enjoy the grind, the time spent here is a speed bump compared to what I have planned. Nothing more than a necessary step to the next avenue of my life, whenever it is I'm able to take the next one. Besides, I'd have to really reach to find something worth complaining about in my life. So instead I'll just put this here, as a reminder to myself if not for anyone else that sometimes putting up with shit you simply gotta do will help guide you somewhere that only exists as a thought now.
9/15/23: The Things You Never Knew You Missed
Recently I've been getting a ton of those "Adult Swim Full Episodes 20xx with commercials!!!!" videos in my reccomended and they're neat, y'know? Fun to go through em and see some relics of whatever year it was, like Verizon selling minutes or VHS dancing tapes. I kinda love it, not particularly to "relive" that era but instead to just see how different it was. I don't have any big spiel about the passing of time or about the world as it once was, atleast not today, instead I just wanted to share something I thought was really neat and that is a show called The Lewis Lectures. I found it in one of those compilation videos and I kinda loved that too, not the greatest or the funniest thing ever but the main character is voiced by Jack Black so I'm surprised it's sort of a forgotten show, until I realized what I'd seen was a pilot and they never picked it up for more. So go figure I guess. Anyway, here's a link to it in case you're interested: https://youtu.be/hX4EhHSdGyo?si=-2x58R5kRDbSAA0i
Might not be great, but I thought it was very charming.
9/13/23: Nihilism and The Blackpill - Giving Up to Fit In
Nothing bothers me more than someone who thinks all is lost for some bullshit they saw on Instagram, Twitter, any other worthless social media sinkhole or God forbid they picked it up from watching the news. Places with the lowest common denominators by design should not be used to develop your sense of self or pick up opinions on the finer workings of mankind and society, and no just because you weren't picked for dodgeball as a kid doesn't mean you get an excuse to do it. I get that some people live shitty lives, grow up in shitty places with shitty people and did or were exposed to shitty things but c'mon man, how does that justify saying fuck it for the rest of the time you've got? People giving up over shit they can't change, people giving up over shit they can change, people giving up over shit they didn't even know existed until they realized they could complain about it. Maybe I'm biased from seeing friends follow down the rabbithole into blaming God or their parents for having a fucked up lower canthral tilt or having an alien thinker skull and not the alpha looker skull, or vice versa ad infinitum. Hearing shit like "bros it's over for me, I have prey eyes and not predator eyes no girl is ever going to love me" just makes me wanna pick these people up by the scruff of their neck and roll them into traffic. There's no arguing against it, there's no amount of proof you can give someone who simply wishes to suffer and live a life of misery. They simply want to be able to stare at someone mangled from an accident or birth defect and be able to say they have it worse, some sort of suffering Olympics where if they can't win prom king they should atleast be able to look at Christ on the cross and say they have it worse. Nihilism is fun when you're like 12, not when you're in high school and need to start getting your shit together for real. Whether it's their height, weight, face, personality, hell I've even seen people complain that their hobbies are going to leave them alone and destitute for the rest of their days, whatever it is someone is out there with a sign saying it's the end of the world because for them it may as well be. How ironic is it to think Bateman is an icon for some when his whole character is a self centered, narcisistic, psychopath? Except Bateman is supposed to be attractive and wealthy, a comfort character where there's more in common than not and what isn't, they fantasize of. Wanna know who is LITERALLY me? This mad motherfucker right here: The worst part about choosing to give into insecurity and letting yourself fall into the easy option of not giving a fuck is that eventually, it's all you even consider possible. I'm sure some people realized they could be better in a moment of clarity but threw it away when the reality of the life they chose settled back in and instead of challenging it they gave right back in. It's a comfort to know easy and marketable suffering is readily available, no need to seek it out. Why improve myself where I can if you have a weak chin? No need for me to work out, eat healthy, learn new talents, nothing. I'm overweight so no one will love me, may as well keep eating right? It's all our generations version of asking what the meaning of life is, except they figured it out. Porn addiction and media consumption while circle jerking hate for the haves and reinforcing suffering in their fellow have nots. Instead of letting shit you can't control get to you why not say fuck it to that? Why not say "I'll never be (x) but that's ok"? If life is defined by the things we don't or will never have, then I hate to break it to you bro but even if you get that leg lengthening surgery or hair regrowth estrogen prescription you'll still lack something. Just accept that not everything is perfect and you are no exception, nothing is stopping fate from taking everything away from those you envy in a car crash or sudden cancer diagnoses. Someone was born with something you wish you had? Something you don't think they deserve? Something you simply can't accept you lack? Boohoo, grow a pair. This goes doubley for shit you can change. What do you mean you can't lose weight? It's a thyroid problem? Damn, guess you should just, idk, accept that too. If it's truly out of your reach then find what is and build on it. If you think ignorance is bliss and those poor simple folk in say, Appalacia, who suffer from years of genetic microwaving live a better life because they don't understand the degree in which they should hate then guess what, chucklenuts, you recognize yourself as intelligent enough reflect on yourself. You're halfway there. How these people can exist in such a bubble has got to be a form of reverse narcissism. Instead of being king shit you're just shit, so you fixate and fixate and fixate. The fact that there's cultures forming around it is the worst part to me. There's always been people who hate themselves and want others to join in the fun so to speak. Misery loves company. But now with the advent of the internet and popularization of this people are forgoing any responsibility to actually think for themselves and giving up their sense of self to the many. They believe they're adrift at sea, a lone man left behind with no rescue in sight, when in reality they're an arm's length away from someone who's got it worse in some other abstract way. A group of likeminded, surely moral, people who agree that you never had a chance. That you never could be anything at all and it's the fault of those around you for making you an insufferable cunt. If there's to be a reason for you to be the way you are, it couldn't be from inside. Groups of people who gather together only to talk about how they could never find common ground with their fellow man. Sleeping soundly at night knowing that if all other things are out of their control, they can atleast choose to pointlessly suffer. After awhile it's hard to have sympathy for someone no matter what situations came to be for them to believe in such a sad state of being, once you hear how worthless their plight is you stop giving a shit yourself and just wanna ask, "have you even tried being happy?". Nothing worse someone can do than to let themselves rot, to let the world pass around them. Whatever though, at the end of the day it's not my life. Neither does it have to be yours, either.
Choose to do the difficult thing and be somebody, despite your flaws no matter how many there may seem to be. Life only sucks as much as you choose to let it, if you learn to let the things that don't really matter roll off you then everything else will fall into place. Taking on the responsibility of your own happiness is the only way to make life bearable. Everyone suffers, and even those who don't actively suffer still know of it. To be alive and breathing is to one day die and know that those around you will as well, that all around us is a world of temporary constructs and experiences. So before you miss it, go and live it. The world does not revolve around your prey eyes, canthral tilts, whatever the fucks. Your time is limited and it should be spent in ways and on things that bring you closer to a life worth living. Life is by it's very nature is suffering, it's brutal and gnawing survival. And that's the fucking point. Instead of suffering the feeling of being unwanted, suffer the search for someone who does want. Instead of suffering the feeling of being not enough, seek out the suffering of excercise or study that will give you real and genuine health and skill. Simply put, choosing to be happy is simply choosing what suffering you should endure. Don't pick the fast food self hate brand of suffering, that easy Doordashed despair. Why not apply some effort and pick a battle where you can reap rewards, rewards that push you closer to genuine worked for happiness. When you know what you're working for, suddenly it's less about survival and more about the destination, what you're fighting to attain. Decide not to throw your faith away and instead put it not in the world, but yourself. And, along the way, if you can learn to love the little things in life you may find yourself enjoying the journey as well.
9/12/23: Turn off your radio!
Ever since I was a kid I have been enamored with the paranormal, I watched a lot of TV as a kid since I had two of em and it was pretty formative for my personality and sense of humor with stuff like early Adult Swim and other "adult cartoons" that would air on Comedy Central or MTV even. Hell it wasn't even cartoons I would watch, when I first saw the Whitest Kids You Know it wasn't online since we didn't have internet but instead IFC where I also used to watch shows like Malcolm In The Middle and Everybody Hates Chris, on TBS I'd rewatch every episode of My Name Is Earl they played. Sitting there playing Kingdom Hearts or Devil May Cry with something going on the other TV trying to focus on both, maybe just playing Pokemon or something and absent mindedly listening while stealing Lance's Dragonite's with an Action Replay. Setting myself up for some form of attention disorder probably but it's whatever, damage is done so no point bitching now. Point is I consumed way too much media way too young, not mentioned though were shows like Twilight Zone, Ghost Adventures (what kind of fucking last name is Bagans? bro is out the shire), Destination Truth, Conspiracy Theories With Jesse Ventura (not paranormal but relevant), and that fucking bullshit show Lost Tapes Animal Planet had. Why they, a documentary channel, decided they should broadcast fake horror found footage shit at 3 in the morning I will never understand but forever hold a grudge over, woke up to the goddamn Jersey Devil on my screen when I expected my usual George Lopez Low Rider lullaby. Anyway, in the pursuit of more I talked to my mom about shows she might know of or enjoy that I missed, and from her I found out about Art Bell, the host of Coast to Coast AM. Complete gamechanger man, we rarely got the chance to listen but every time we drove around late at night and she'd put it on I would be enamored by Art and the guest callers, whoever the guest was and what ridiculous topic it was supposed to be that given night. Something about people calling in to discuss the flying saucer they saw in their backyard is just incredibly interesting to me, normal (enough) people just calling in to report their unexplainable events one after the other. Always loved his show and maybe part of why I became so attached was the fact I wouldn't always be able to hear it, this open dialogue where I was able to hear how the world turned for random people around the world. People who wanted answers or just wanted to vent, maybe to contribute generally to a discussion or just get Art to talk to them directly. I imagine what I felt then is probably what zoomers feel now when watching live streams, but y'know, not really. Art wouldn't just roll over either, if someone said something that he thought was bullshit or if they called to just waste his time and joke around he called them out, he asked questions to challenge people on their claims, he said what he thought and if you didn't like it you were free to hang up or tune out. He cracked jokes, he wasn't gonna let people just dick around or ramble schiophrenically, and he would almost always have something to say where he himself contributed to the conversation and when he didn't he'd have a question to keep it going. Some of his shows are better than other's sure but no matter what you could always count on him to make it interesting. For a period I was able to listen to his show Midnight In The Desert on SiriusXM but eventually that ended and not too long after he passed away, with some lizardman incapable of holding an audience taking his place. From the mighty and loved to the boring and forgettable, the show was dead for me now that I had the oppurtunity to listen. Luckily, there's archives of his shows online that allow me to relive childhood shows I caught and some that I would have loved if I had the chance to, hell even the shows where the topic isn't interesting just to have in the background. The voice of a man who invited all to discuss aliens, ghosts, and the most frightening of all... the government, forever archived on the internet doomed to fall further into obscurity. Brought up only when some of those more notable episodes are mentioned in some YouTube video top 10 scariest videos, and God forbid I try to think of anything worse than that. I guess part of the reason I write this whole bullshit thing up is because part of me gets upset when I think of how much of his content is going to be disregarded for a few stellar moments, if even those are brought up in the following decades. Centuries. However long it takes for the sharks to eat those Internet cables and cut us all off. If you're in the mood for something a little outside your comfort zone, or even comfortably within it, Art most likely has something you would enjoy. Maybe through you and me, if not his spirit, his passion could live on. Here's a link to an Internet Archive with some of his shows.
9/11/23: Website finally assembled.
I have done it with an embarrasing amount of help and a burst of energy from nothing in particular. Site is up and just as barren as one would expect from someone with no real intention of setting one up, but just you wait and see. I'm planning on making some real plans here, man, some top of the line real gourmet shit.
The worst part about choosing to give into insecurity and letting yourself fall into the easy option of not giving a fuck is that eventually, it's all you even consider possible. I'm sure some people realized they could be better in a moment of clarity but threw it away when the reality of the life they chose settled back in and instead of challenging it they gave right back in. It's a comfort to know easy and marketable suffering is readily available, no need to seek it out. Why improve myself where I can if you have a weak chin? No need for me to work out, eat healthy, learn new talents, nothing. I'm overweight so no one will love me, may as well keep eating right? It's all our generations version of asking what the meaning of life is, except they figured it out. Porn addiction and media consumption while circle jerking hate for the haves and reinforcing suffering in their fellow have nots. Instead of letting shit you can't control get to you why not say fuck it to that? Why not say "I'll never be (x) but that's ok"? If life is defined by the things we don't or will never have, then I hate to break it to you bro but even if you get that leg lengthening surgery or hair regrowth estrogen prescription you'll still lack something. Just accept that not everything is perfect and you are no exception, nothing is stopping fate from taking everything away from those you envy in a car crash or sudden cancer diagnoses. Someone was born with something you wish you had? Something you don't think they deserve? Something you simply can't accept you lack? Boohoo, grow a pair. This goes doubley for shit you can change. What do you mean you can't lose weight? It's a thyroid problem? Damn, guess you should just, idk, accept that too. If it's truly out of your reach then find what is and build on it. If you think ignorance is bliss and those poor simple folk in say, Appalacia, who suffer from years of genetic microwaving live a better life because they don't understand the degree in which they should hate then guess what, chucklenuts, you recognize yourself as intelligent enough reflect on yourself. You're halfway there. How these people can exist in such a bubble has got to be a form of reverse narcissism. Instead of being king shit you're just shit, so you fixate and fixate and fixate. The fact that there's cultures forming around it is the worst part to me. There's always been people who hate themselves and want others to join in the fun so to speak. Misery loves company. But now with the advent of the internet and popularization of this people are forgoing any responsibility to actually think for themselves and giving up their sense of self to the many. They believe they're adrift at sea, a lone man left behind with no rescue in sight, when in reality they're an arm's length away from someone who's got it worse in some other abstract way. A group of likeminded, surely moral, people who agree that you never had a chance. That you never could be anything at all and it's the fault of those around you for making you an insufferable cunt. If there's to be a reason for you to be the way you are, it couldn't be from inside. Groups of people who gather together only to talk about how they could never find common ground with their fellow man. Sleeping soundly at night knowing that if all other things are out of their control, they can atleast choose to pointlessly suffer. After awhile it's hard to have sympathy for someone no matter what situations came to be for them to believe in such a sad state of being, once you hear how worthless their plight is you stop giving a shit yourself and just wanna ask, "have you even tried being happy?". Nothing worse someone can do than to let themselves rot, to let the world pass around them. Whatever though, at the end of the day it's not my life. Neither does it have to be yours, either.
Choose to do the difficult thing and be somebody, despite your flaws no matter how many there may seem to be. Life only sucks as much as you choose to let it, if you learn to let the things that don't really matter roll off you then everything else will fall into place. Taking on the responsibility of your own happiness is the only way to make life bearable. Everyone suffers, and even those who don't actively suffer still know of it. To be alive and breathing is to one day die and know that those around you will as well, that all around us is a world of temporary constructs and experiences. So before you miss it, go and live it. The world does not revolve around your prey eyes, canthral tilts, whatever the fucks. Your time is limited and it should be spent in ways and on things that bring you closer to a life worth living. Life is by it's very nature is suffering, it's brutal and gnawing survival. And that's the fucking point. Instead of suffering the feeling of being unwanted, suffer the search for someone who does want. Instead of suffering the feeling of being not enough, seek out the suffering of excercise or study that will give you real and genuine health and skill. Simply put, choosing to be happy is simply choosing what suffering you should endure. Don't pick the fast food self hate brand of suffering, that easy Doordashed despair. Why not apply some effort and pick a battle where you can reap rewards, rewards that push you closer to genuine worked for happiness. When you know what you're working for, suddenly it's less about survival and more about the destination, what you're fighting to attain. Decide not to throw your faith away and instead put it not in the world, but yourself. And, along the way, if you can learn to love the little things in life you may find yourself enjoying the journey as well.
